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Seinfeld 2013: I’m writing my own episodes, Jerry

What if Seinfeld was still on the air today? That’s the premise behind a Twitter account and corresponding Facebook page called Modern Seinfeld. The Twitter account follows no one and never retweets or showcases any of the awesome ones people post.

As a huge fan of the show then and now, I can’t help myself. I have to tweet my ideas often or post them on Facebook. I think they are good and others have told me so. The Twitter account is under no obligation to share, but the people behind it suck at using social media.

If you go back into my Twitter feed, you’ll find a bunch. Here’s one I posted today:

“Elaine has a perfect March Madness bracket. Kramer announces he’s going to North Korea for the kimchi.”

youThen, I took it a step further just for fun on Facebook. I added an imaginary dialogue between Kramer and Jerry. Do your best to imagine them talking and picture their voices in your mind – it’s funnier that way. I tried to take that into account when writing it.

Jerry: Kramer, you’re going to North Korea?
Kramer: Yep!
Jerry: But can’t you just get it here in New York? You know, not go to a country with a crazy dictator who wants to blow us up just for cabbage?
Kramer: Jerry, have you ever had kimchi? It’s very unique. It’s very delicate. It’s delicious! If you think we know how to make kimchi in the United States of America, you are out of your mind!
Jerry: Well, I’ll tell you this, mister, I’m not getting your mail while you’re gone!
Kramer: Giddy-up.

Thing is, I can totally see this being an episode. Imagine George telling Steinbrenner that Kramer is in North Korea getting kimchi.

Steinbrenner: George, get in here please. We’re going to have to cancel North Korea night at the ballpark. Too much bad blood between Kim Jong-un and the New York Yankees!
George: Well, truth is, Mr. Steinbrenner, my friend Kramer is in North Korea right now getting kimchi.
Steinbrenner: Kimchi? What’s that George? Kimchi. That’s cabbage, right George? National dish of Korea, I believe. Oh Big Stein watches Jeopardy! You have to get me some George. Like that time you got me the calzone but even better!
George: Yes, Mr. Steinbrenner. I’ll get right on that sir. (walking out of his office as he’s talking)
Steinbrenner: I eat my lunch at noon, George. Noooooooon.

Got any other possible lines of dialogue for this episode? Share them in the comments or tweet me. In the meantime, I have two big social media wishes: One is for Conan O’Brien to follow me back. The other is to be acknowledged by Jerry Seinfeld himself. Maybe this will help with one or both.

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